He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
