2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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