hotel room ftw
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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