I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
