On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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