you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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