i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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