it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
