I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
