I'm so fucking centered right now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
