i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
