He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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