I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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