I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't deserve a penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
