guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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