Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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