Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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