so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
