Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
