but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
