walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
