people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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