after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize