Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
