i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
