Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
