so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
