Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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