My liver just broke up with me...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
