this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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