Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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