I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
