why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
