My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
