i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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