Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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