so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
