a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
