Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
