Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
