I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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