Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
