i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
