i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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