Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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