what day is it and did you see me today?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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