Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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