Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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