walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I checked into jail on foursquare
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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