I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
