im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
