I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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