Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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