She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
