he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
