Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
