You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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