so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize