just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
