we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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