Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
