i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
