I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
