as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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