Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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