I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So many bounce houses so little time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
