Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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