Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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