bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
