Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
