he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
