why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
