Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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