Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
